It's been a really long time since I did a blog, there's quite a bit I need to update you on.
A short while after I did the last blog, our friends had their little boy (one I predicted when they were just 10 weeks pregnant!) and I had the very sudden realisation that when we had the miscarriage, we lost a baby. Up until that point I kind of hadn't dealt with it at all and everything came out all at once and I broke down. I had a week of feeling so down and upset that I didn't know what to do with myself but after talking things through with my wife I felt better.
Up until that point we had both been planning a memorial tattoo for the baby and actually starting to accept what happened and deal with my grief made me want to go ahead with that. I got a star with the babies due date (12/12/12) in it and the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" around it all in black and grey. Since getting it I have found it to be a big big help. It's given me strength going forwards and a way to remember the baby that we loved so much even though we lost him/her so early on.
We have our moments where we will have a bit of a talk and cry but we've kept open with each other and allowed each other to take whatever steps we've needed to deal with it.
We have tried since the London 2012 Olympics and not had any joy. There is a possibility that we have lost again but because we didn't do a pregnancy test and it was even earlier than the last time, we'll never know. My wife's doctor has said that if we're get concerned that it has happened again then she will order some tests to see if there's anything obvious going on.
Other than that, we're still with the same donor but we are considering changing things up in the new year as it's getting to be quite difficult again. We're just worried about changing because our donor is the perfect balance that we always said we wanted but hey, we're going away for a week in December then it's Christmas so we have some time. And who knows, we might not need a new donor!
Showing posts with label miscarriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label miscarriage. Show all posts
Saturday, 24 November 2012
Monday, 23 July 2012
Taking a Break
Month 8 came and went relatively quickly with no good news. Neither of us really believed that it would work this time, we've both been feeling so down about everything it honestly was no surprise when my wife started her period.
We've gone through every emotion possible on this journey so far and it's been exhausting. The past month we've both been getting a little bitter and almost angry with everything, it's been so so draining.
Because of this and the fact that our donor is an olympic volunteer we're having a month off to re group and focus again. We're in desperate need of it and hopefully when we start again we'll find it easier.
We've gone through every emotion possible on this journey so far and it's been exhausting. The past month we've both been getting a little bitter and almost angry with everything, it's been so so draining.
Because of this and the fact that our donor is an olympic volunteer we're having a month off to re group and focus again. We're in desperate need of it and hopefully when we start again we'll find it easier.
Friday, 11 May 2012
Back in the waiting game...
It's been 1 month and 1 day since the miscarriage and I tell you what, it's very surreal. It keeps creeping up on me and surprising me. Yesterday, when I realised that it was a monh since it happened I suddenly felt very sad and had that heavy feeling you get in your chest when something shocks and saddens you at the same time. I guess I'll have that for a long time, especially on the due date.
Aside from that things have been alright actually. We've gotten used to the routine of waiting and inseminating now so it's almost second nature (although sperm is still rank, it actually makes me wretch these days) to us now.
We started checking for ovulation a week earlier than normal this time around because we just didn't know who was happening with it and whether or not it was going to show up as if my wife had never been late in the first place or if it would just be randomly early or if it would be late so we thought the safest thing to do would be to test early and carry on until it was positive.
In the end we got a positive that put my wife on for a 27 day cycle (her normal is 29) so we got our donor here, he did his thing and we had a chat about the miscarriage and then he left and we did our thing.
Well now we are on cycle day 31 with no obvious signs of a period starting or my wife being pregnant (although she did have a funny tummy around implantation ish time and she did feel as though she had started the other morning but it was a false alarm). We honestly don't know what's happening, for all we know this could just be her body trying to return to normal or she could be pregnant. We just don't know.
If nothing happens we will be testing in 4 days, this is just so that we pass the stage that things went wrong last time which may sound silly but I don't think either of us will believe it if it's before that stage.
I'll do and update next Tuesday or Wednesday, hopefully with good news!
Aside from that things have been alright actually. We've gotten used to the routine of waiting and inseminating now so it's almost second nature (although sperm is still rank, it actually makes me wretch these days) to us now.
We started checking for ovulation a week earlier than normal this time around because we just didn't know who was happening with it and whether or not it was going to show up as if my wife had never been late in the first place or if it would just be randomly early or if it would be late so we thought the safest thing to do would be to test early and carry on until it was positive.
In the end we got a positive that put my wife on for a 27 day cycle (her normal is 29) so we got our donor here, he did his thing and we had a chat about the miscarriage and then he left and we did our thing.
Well now we are on cycle day 31 with no obvious signs of a period starting or my wife being pregnant (although she did have a funny tummy around implantation ish time and she did feel as though she had started the other morning but it was a false alarm). We honestly don't know what's happening, for all we know this could just be her body trying to return to normal or she could be pregnant. We just don't know.
If nothing happens we will be testing in 4 days, this is just so that we pass the stage that things went wrong last time which may sound silly but I don't think either of us will believe it if it's before that stage.
I'll do and update next Tuesday or Wednesday, hopefully with good news!
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
"donor" not "dad"
When the miscarriage happened we told our family and a couple of friends mainly because my sister in law knew and we didn't want anyone else to feel out of the loop. Everyone has been really great and asked sensible questions and we've answered everything and that's been the end of the questioning.
That is everyone except one of my best friends. I've known her since I was about 12 and up until now even when our opinions have differed we have always been great friends who respect each other completely.
I text her a couple of days after the miscarriage to tell her and she called me 10 days later to ask how we were doing. We got chatting and before you know it the conversation changed to discussion of the "dad". I told her repeatedly that there isn't a dad, only a donor but she refused to accept it saying that I can't deny biology no matter how hard I try and it went down hill from there.
For 30 minutes I was essentially told that the way we're trying to conceive is immoral and potentially damaging to any child born. I was made to feel as though we'd put no thought into the process and that we're being selfish. She even went as far as to say that in 15 years time our child might decide to go and live with their "dad". When I told her that was about as likely to happen as any child walking down the street and deciding to go and live with a complete stranger she just kept coming back to the "you can't deny biology" argument.
We aren't and have never said that we could deny biology. We know that our child will have questions for us and when the time is right we will have (age appropriate) answers and ultimately when the time is right our child will have the opportunity to meet our donor but until it happens there's no reason for us to be concerned. We did it this way so that we would have these options, if we'd gone to a sperm bank we wouldn't know half of the stuff we do about our donor and would therefore have next to no answers for our children.
Overall I just find it incredibly disrespectful to make assumptions and judgments on the way anyone chooses to make their family but to have that from one of your closest friends damn near breaks your heart.
Our donor is a donor and that is all, we spoke to him about this on Sunday and he made all of the same points I did on the phone. He has no desire to be a father to our child, he's doing this because he's seen first hand what it's like when someone wants a family more than anything but can't seem to achieve for one reason or another. I guess hearing such a close friend say these things has knocked me but at least of anyone else asks the same or similar things I'll be better prepared.
That is everyone except one of my best friends. I've known her since I was about 12 and up until now even when our opinions have differed we have always been great friends who respect each other completely.
I text her a couple of days after the miscarriage to tell her and she called me 10 days later to ask how we were doing. We got chatting and before you know it the conversation changed to discussion of the "dad". I told her repeatedly that there isn't a dad, only a donor but she refused to accept it saying that I can't deny biology no matter how hard I try and it went down hill from there.
For 30 minutes I was essentially told that the way we're trying to conceive is immoral and potentially damaging to any child born. I was made to feel as though we'd put no thought into the process and that we're being selfish. She even went as far as to say that in 15 years time our child might decide to go and live with their "dad". When I told her that was about as likely to happen as any child walking down the street and deciding to go and live with a complete stranger she just kept coming back to the "you can't deny biology" argument.
We aren't and have never said that we could deny biology. We know that our child will have questions for us and when the time is right we will have (age appropriate) answers and ultimately when the time is right our child will have the opportunity to meet our donor but until it happens there's no reason for us to be concerned. We did it this way so that we would have these options, if we'd gone to a sperm bank we wouldn't know half of the stuff we do about our donor and would therefore have next to no answers for our children.
Overall I just find it incredibly disrespectful to make assumptions and judgments on the way anyone chooses to make their family but to have that from one of your closest friends damn near breaks your heart.
Our donor is a donor and that is all, we spoke to him about this on Sunday and he made all of the same points I did on the phone. He has no desire to be a father to our child, he's doing this because he's seen first hand what it's like when someone wants a family more than anything but can't seem to achieve for one reason or another. I guess hearing such a close friend say these things has knocked me but at least of anyone else asks the same or similar things I'll be better prepared.
Tuesday, 17 April 2012
Update...
So, the last time i posted was a short while after we got our positive. I have so much to tell you!
We had a fabulous Easter weekend and nicknamed the baby 'Flounder' (as in the little mermaid) and spent some time trying to absorb the news.
I went back to work on Monday, my wife went back on Tuesday. At about 9:30 i got a text asking what my diary looked like for the day which worried me as I've never been asked that. I was working until 11am, once it got to that time i got a phone call from my wife saying that she was bleeding. At this point i panicked.
I went straight home and called a similar service to NHS Direct who wanted to speak to her so i put the phone down and they called her. She called me back a few minutes later saying that their advice was to either go to the doctors if it continues or if she's worried NHS Direct.
She was upset and i didn't know what to do because i had a work commitment that if i cancelled would cost someone else £62 and i couldn't do that to her which i know sounds really bad but at this point i didn't understand the extent of what was happening.
In the end we decided to get her to talk to her boss and sister (who by chance was working with her that week) and see what they suggested. My sister in law ended up calling her midwife as she's not long had a baby herself. The midwife told her to get her to A&E for some tests so off my wife and sister in law went.
I couldn't get there until about 1:30-2ish and by this point she'd had some bloods and urine taken to check the hormone levels and was waiting for the results. Once the results were back it was likely that she would go for a scan.
Just before 3 we were called into a room and told that both the blood and urine tests were negative for pregnancy and that she was free to go.
We were so upset and shocked, we didn't understand what had happened or how we could have a positive pregnancy test on the Saturday and then a negative on the Tuesday.
It's officially classed as a chemical pregnancy. Basically explained (in our case), the egg fertilised and implanted but the pregnancy ended there. It can also be called an early miscarriage.
As hard as the last week has been, we're both kind of relieved that it happened now and now X amount of weeks down the line. We are trying again as soon as my wife is ovulating and we're hopeful, if nothing else we know that she can conceive, we just need to make it stick this time.
We had a fabulous Easter weekend and nicknamed the baby 'Flounder' (as in the little mermaid) and spent some time trying to absorb the news.
I went back to work on Monday, my wife went back on Tuesday. At about 9:30 i got a text asking what my diary looked like for the day which worried me as I've never been asked that. I was working until 11am, once it got to that time i got a phone call from my wife saying that she was bleeding. At this point i panicked.
I went straight home and called a similar service to NHS Direct who wanted to speak to her so i put the phone down and they called her. She called me back a few minutes later saying that their advice was to either go to the doctors if it continues or if she's worried NHS Direct.
She was upset and i didn't know what to do because i had a work commitment that if i cancelled would cost someone else £62 and i couldn't do that to her which i know sounds really bad but at this point i didn't understand the extent of what was happening.
In the end we decided to get her to talk to her boss and sister (who by chance was working with her that week) and see what they suggested. My sister in law ended up calling her midwife as she's not long had a baby herself. The midwife told her to get her to A&E for some tests so off my wife and sister in law went.
I couldn't get there until about 1:30-2ish and by this point she'd had some bloods and urine taken to check the hormone levels and was waiting for the results. Once the results were back it was likely that she would go for a scan.
Just before 3 we were called into a room and told that both the blood and urine tests were negative for pregnancy and that she was free to go.
We were so upset and shocked, we didn't understand what had happened or how we could have a positive pregnancy test on the Saturday and then a negative on the Tuesday.
It's officially classed as a chemical pregnancy. Basically explained (in our case), the egg fertilised and implanted but the pregnancy ended there. It can also be called an early miscarriage.
As hard as the last week has been, we're both kind of relieved that it happened now and now X amount of weeks down the line. We are trying again as soon as my wife is ovulating and we're hopeful, if nothing else we know that she can conceive, we just need to make it stick this time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)