Saturday, 9 March 2013

10 things they don't tell you about being a lesbian and trying for a baby...

We're 2 years in from making the decision to start a family, almost 18 months since our first insemination and thought now would be a good time to do a list like this, keep it in mind that we're doing AI at home....

10) It can take what feels like FOREVER!! We've been at this for a while now and we're far from alone. When it takes more than 6 months you start to question how long it will take, whether or not it will ever even happen and it can really start to get you down.

9) Relaxation never truly happens. How many times have you heard people say, "if you stop trying and relax it'll happen, that's what we did." It doesn't necessarily work that way, it really doesn't. We now don't get anywhere near as anxious as we did in the beginning but we still do to a certain extent and that doesn't really have any say in whether or not we'll be having a baby in 9 months.

8) The comments from the 'smug' parents and parents to be. So many people we know have offered advice and made comments about what we can do to make sure we get pregnant. These comments have ranged from slagging off our first donor (completely infuriated me for the record) to the ever philosophical, "it'll happen when the time is right." Sometimes it's so hard to not tell people to shove their comments where the sun don't shine!

7) Cervical mucus enters into everyday conversation. Seriously, when getting towards ovulation day it's, "Has your plug come away yet? Is it stretchy?? Are we at egg white consistency yet?!?!" You name it, i've asked the question and/or inspected said mucus just to be sure. After doing this several times, i now know when i'm ovulating!

6) Pregnancy test companies do a hell of a lot of advertising. There's not a day that goes by where we don't see a TV ad for a pregnancy test or other....especially when aunt flow is about to show up!

5) What you have to do to put the stuff in place. Whether it's checking you've got the right place or depth perception or getting the angle's a tricky (sometimes uncomfortable) business.

4) Donors aren't necessarily what they seem to be.... There's uber donors (as we have spoken about before), guys who say all the right things then expect something completely different in return, guys that think they can post their stuff (that one confused us too), guys that let you down, guys that don't want to meet up at all (they like to leave their stuff outside a locked hotel room or a parked empty car) and goodness knows how many other varieties. Make sure all sides know what they're letting themselves in for in full before going ahead with anything.

3) Once you start trying, 'romance' doesn't quite feel the same unless one of you has raised hips...totally feels like you forgot to do something.

2) You're asking someone to masterbate for you, in your own home, (in our case) our future children's bedroom. This last month our donor almost went into detail about why it had taken him longer than normal this time around....i almost ran away with my fingers shoved in my ears shouting "LALALALALALA!!!" Dude, we know you come round to our house to wank off...don't share the details!!

1) Sperm is rank. It's smelly, warm and looks a little like chinese sweetcorn soup without the sweetcorn.  If i accidentally get a whiff, it get's to my gag reflex instantly so i now have to cover my face before getting it in to make sure it doesn't happen. Vomiting before 'romance' doesn't go down too well (so i've been told).

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