Month 8 came and went relatively quickly with no good news. Neither of us really believed that it would work this time, we've both been feeling so down about everything it honestly was no surprise when my wife started her period.
We've gone through every emotion possible on this journey so far and it's been exhausting. The past month we've both been getting a little bitter and almost angry with everything, it's been so so draining.
Because of this and the fact that our donor is an olympic volunteer we're having a month off to re group and focus again. We're in desperate need of it and hopefully when we start again we'll find it easier.
Monday, 23 July 2012
Saturday, 23 June 2012
What if??
Before i elaborate, you need to know that we're officially on month 8 as my wife's period came bang on time. In addition, i just want to say that we're not losing hope.
What if it takes years before it works? What if it never works? What if it does work and we end up with 15 in there?? (FTR I know that's not possible) These are the sort of questions going through my head recently.
My brother and sister in law spent 4 years trying for our youngest nephew, I think it would see me mentally exhausted a long time before that but it's a very real possibility. They aren't the only couple that have had to go through it for that long.
What if it never happens? This question scares me, I've never imagined my life without kids and being an Aunty just isn't enough anymore. If we never manage to conceive kids of our own it would be devastating to us, I just mentioned it the other night and we both started to cry, the thought of not having children physically hurts.
We've been discussing having our own children since February 2004, we'd known each other about 14 weeks and had been together 12. It's always been a joint dream, we decided on a name for a boy in 2004 and that sill remains, we love it now more than ever. Our overall plan for a long time has been to have a child each and then adopt siblings, I guess the adoption bit would be our plan if we never managed to have our own.
What if it works and we end up with 15?? Ok so maybe not 15 but what about 4, 5 or even 6?? I honestly think I'd crap my pants when we found out. Talk about overwhelming! Don't get me wrong, we'd be ecstatically happy but terrified at the same time.
I'm hoping we're not the only ones, I guess trying to make a baby makes your mind work in different ways!
What if it takes years before it works? What if it never works? What if it does work and we end up with 15 in there?? (FTR I know that's not possible) These are the sort of questions going through my head recently.
My brother and sister in law spent 4 years trying for our youngest nephew, I think it would see me mentally exhausted a long time before that but it's a very real possibility. They aren't the only couple that have had to go through it for that long.
What if it never happens? This question scares me, I've never imagined my life without kids and being an Aunty just isn't enough anymore. If we never manage to conceive kids of our own it would be devastating to us, I just mentioned it the other night and we both started to cry, the thought of not having children physically hurts.
We've been discussing having our own children since February 2004, we'd known each other about 14 weeks and had been together 12. It's always been a joint dream, we decided on a name for a boy in 2004 and that sill remains, we love it now more than ever. Our overall plan for a long time has been to have a child each and then adopt siblings, I guess the adoption bit would be our plan if we never managed to have our own.
What if it works and we end up with 15?? Ok so maybe not 15 but what about 4, 5 or even 6?? I honestly think I'd crap my pants when we found out. Talk about overwhelming! Don't get me wrong, we'd be ecstatically happy but terrified at the same time.
I'm hoping we're not the only ones, I guess trying to make a baby makes your mind work in different ways!
Friday, 8 June 2012
Pregnancy Superstitions etc...
We did another couple of inseminations over the jubilee weekend and all of a sudden our donor has gone a bit superstitious on us which is now making us a bit superstitious too.
We always reimburse our donors fuel money when he comes for a donation but this time he refused it because the one other time that his sperm did the trick since he's been donating he was meant to do 3 consecutive nights but only ended up doing 1 and therefore didn't get paid (he usually takes the money on the last night).
It got me thinking about things people say about getting pregnant or when you are pregnant, whether it be an old wives tale or from experience.
My Granny and Grandad swear there's a baby in every bottle of advocaat because the nights that Granny has had an entire bottle to herself, she woke up pregnant (desperately trying to push the thought of grandparent sex out of my mind now). I've been noticing a lot of pairs of magpies which is supposed to be good news.
Do you or does anyone you know have similar superstitions??
My wife's due on (of all days) on my birthday, I'm really hoping that her period is on a break for a few months now but only time will tell, 12 days until my birthday and 16 until we'll test. She's been having some different ovulation signs this time around though, for the first time ever she got pain during the egg release and we got the strongest OPK+ we've had in the 7 months we've been trying. Fingers firmly crossed!
We always reimburse our donors fuel money when he comes for a donation but this time he refused it because the one other time that his sperm did the trick since he's been donating he was meant to do 3 consecutive nights but only ended up doing 1 and therefore didn't get paid (he usually takes the money on the last night).
It got me thinking about things people say about getting pregnant or when you are pregnant, whether it be an old wives tale or from experience.
My Granny and Grandad swear there's a baby in every bottle of advocaat because the nights that Granny has had an entire bottle to herself, she woke up pregnant (desperately trying to push the thought of grandparent sex out of my mind now). I've been noticing a lot of pairs of magpies which is supposed to be good news.
Do you or does anyone you know have similar superstitions??
My wife's due on (of all days) on my birthday, I'm really hoping that her period is on a break for a few months now but only time will tell, 12 days until my birthday and 16 until we'll test. She's been having some different ovulation signs this time around though, for the first time ever she got pain during the egg release and we got the strongest OPK+ we've had in the 7 months we've been trying. Fingers firmly crossed!
Sunday, 3 June 2012
Teen Pregnancies...
What is it with teens these days??? Is contraception a completely foreign concept or what??
In the last month my mums friend has announced the birth of her first grandchild. Everyone was congratulating her and asking when her 20 year old son had managed it only to find out that he's a product of her 16 year old son and his girlfriend. They were both 15 when she fell pregnant!!!
As much as I know that some people make it work (I have friends that have proved that point exactly), the chances of that baby boy having a stable and strong family base is near impossible when his own parents haven't even figured out who they are yet.
Yesterday I saw my mum for the first time in months and she told me that her friends daughter has recently found out that she's pregnant, yet again, at 16! This time she is honestly one of the most immature girls I've ever met, i honestly dont think she will be ready for kids for at least another 10 years, i am honestly scared for the baby.
The only reason she even knew she was pregnant was because she was banging on weight. The doctor believes that she's less than 5 months but can't say for certain. She is engaged though, to a guy who's 19 and lives on benefits with no ambition to better himself. What sort of start is that for a child??
I think the thing that bugs me most is that these kids are making "oops" babies without a care in the world yet there are so many people out there (us included) who are doing everything they can to try and have their family but can't, I don't know if I've just reached the slightly bitter stage of trying to conceive or what. All I know is that even within my own circle there are babies being born into situations they don't deserve and that really upsets me.
In the last month my mums friend has announced the birth of her first grandchild. Everyone was congratulating her and asking when her 20 year old son had managed it only to find out that he's a product of her 16 year old son and his girlfriend. They were both 15 when she fell pregnant!!!
As much as I know that some people make it work (I have friends that have proved that point exactly), the chances of that baby boy having a stable and strong family base is near impossible when his own parents haven't even figured out who they are yet.
Yesterday I saw my mum for the first time in months and she told me that her friends daughter has recently found out that she's pregnant, yet again, at 16! This time she is honestly one of the most immature girls I've ever met, i honestly dont think she will be ready for kids for at least another 10 years, i am honestly scared for the baby.
The only reason she even knew she was pregnant was because she was banging on weight. The doctor believes that she's less than 5 months but can't say for certain. She is engaged though, to a guy who's 19 and lives on benefits with no ambition to better himself. What sort of start is that for a child??
I think the thing that bugs me most is that these kids are making "oops" babies without a care in the world yet there are so many people out there (us included) who are doing everything they can to try and have their family but can't, I don't know if I've just reached the slightly bitter stage of trying to conceive or what. All I know is that even within my own circle there are babies being born into situations they don't deserve and that really upsets me.
Friday, 11 May 2012
Back in the waiting game...
It's been 1 month and 1 day since the miscarriage and I tell you what, it's very surreal. It keeps creeping up on me and surprising me. Yesterday, when I realised that it was a monh since it happened I suddenly felt very sad and had that heavy feeling you get in your chest when something shocks and saddens you at the same time. I guess I'll have that for a long time, especially on the due date.
Aside from that things have been alright actually. We've gotten used to the routine of waiting and inseminating now so it's almost second nature (although sperm is still rank, it actually makes me wretch these days) to us now.
We started checking for ovulation a week earlier than normal this time around because we just didn't know who was happening with it and whether or not it was going to show up as if my wife had never been late in the first place or if it would just be randomly early or if it would be late so we thought the safest thing to do would be to test early and carry on until it was positive.
In the end we got a positive that put my wife on for a 27 day cycle (her normal is 29) so we got our donor here, he did his thing and we had a chat about the miscarriage and then he left and we did our thing.
Well now we are on cycle day 31 with no obvious signs of a period starting or my wife being pregnant (although she did have a funny tummy around implantation ish time and she did feel as though she had started the other morning but it was a false alarm). We honestly don't know what's happening, for all we know this could just be her body trying to return to normal or she could be pregnant. We just don't know.
If nothing happens we will be testing in 4 days, this is just so that we pass the stage that things went wrong last time which may sound silly but I don't think either of us will believe it if it's before that stage.
I'll do and update next Tuesday or Wednesday, hopefully with good news!
Aside from that things have been alright actually. We've gotten used to the routine of waiting and inseminating now so it's almost second nature (although sperm is still rank, it actually makes me wretch these days) to us now.
We started checking for ovulation a week earlier than normal this time around because we just didn't know who was happening with it and whether or not it was going to show up as if my wife had never been late in the first place or if it would just be randomly early or if it would be late so we thought the safest thing to do would be to test early and carry on until it was positive.
In the end we got a positive that put my wife on for a 27 day cycle (her normal is 29) so we got our donor here, he did his thing and we had a chat about the miscarriage and then he left and we did our thing.
Well now we are on cycle day 31 with no obvious signs of a period starting or my wife being pregnant (although she did have a funny tummy around implantation ish time and she did feel as though she had started the other morning but it was a false alarm). We honestly don't know what's happening, for all we know this could just be her body trying to return to normal or she could be pregnant. We just don't know.
If nothing happens we will be testing in 4 days, this is just so that we pass the stage that things went wrong last time which may sound silly but I don't think either of us will believe it if it's before that stage.
I'll do and update next Tuesday or Wednesday, hopefully with good news!
Tuesday, 24 April 2012
"donor" not "dad"
When the miscarriage happened we told our family and a couple of friends mainly because my sister in law knew and we didn't want anyone else to feel out of the loop. Everyone has been really great and asked sensible questions and we've answered everything and that's been the end of the questioning.
That is everyone except one of my best friends. I've known her since I was about 12 and up until now even when our opinions have differed we have always been great friends who respect each other completely.
I text her a couple of days after the miscarriage to tell her and she called me 10 days later to ask how we were doing. We got chatting and before you know it the conversation changed to discussion of the "dad". I told her repeatedly that there isn't a dad, only a donor but she refused to accept it saying that I can't deny biology no matter how hard I try and it went down hill from there.
For 30 minutes I was essentially told that the way we're trying to conceive is immoral and potentially damaging to any child born. I was made to feel as though we'd put no thought into the process and that we're being selfish. She even went as far as to say that in 15 years time our child might decide to go and live with their "dad". When I told her that was about as likely to happen as any child walking down the street and deciding to go and live with a complete stranger she just kept coming back to the "you can't deny biology" argument.
We aren't and have never said that we could deny biology. We know that our child will have questions for us and when the time is right we will have (age appropriate) answers and ultimately when the time is right our child will have the opportunity to meet our donor but until it happens there's no reason for us to be concerned. We did it this way so that we would have these options, if we'd gone to a sperm bank we wouldn't know half of the stuff we do about our donor and would therefore have next to no answers for our children.
Overall I just find it incredibly disrespectful to make assumptions and judgments on the way anyone chooses to make their family but to have that from one of your closest friends damn near breaks your heart.
Our donor is a donor and that is all, we spoke to him about this on Sunday and he made all of the same points I did on the phone. He has no desire to be a father to our child, he's doing this because he's seen first hand what it's like when someone wants a family more than anything but can't seem to achieve for one reason or another. I guess hearing such a close friend say these things has knocked me but at least of anyone else asks the same or similar things I'll be better prepared.
That is everyone except one of my best friends. I've known her since I was about 12 and up until now even when our opinions have differed we have always been great friends who respect each other completely.
I text her a couple of days after the miscarriage to tell her and she called me 10 days later to ask how we were doing. We got chatting and before you know it the conversation changed to discussion of the "dad". I told her repeatedly that there isn't a dad, only a donor but she refused to accept it saying that I can't deny biology no matter how hard I try and it went down hill from there.
For 30 minutes I was essentially told that the way we're trying to conceive is immoral and potentially damaging to any child born. I was made to feel as though we'd put no thought into the process and that we're being selfish. She even went as far as to say that in 15 years time our child might decide to go and live with their "dad". When I told her that was about as likely to happen as any child walking down the street and deciding to go and live with a complete stranger she just kept coming back to the "you can't deny biology" argument.
We aren't and have never said that we could deny biology. We know that our child will have questions for us and when the time is right we will have (age appropriate) answers and ultimately when the time is right our child will have the opportunity to meet our donor but until it happens there's no reason for us to be concerned. We did it this way so that we would have these options, if we'd gone to a sperm bank we wouldn't know half of the stuff we do about our donor and would therefore have next to no answers for our children.
Overall I just find it incredibly disrespectful to make assumptions and judgments on the way anyone chooses to make their family but to have that from one of your closest friends damn near breaks your heart.
Our donor is a donor and that is all, we spoke to him about this on Sunday and he made all of the same points I did on the phone. He has no desire to be a father to our child, he's doing this because he's seen first hand what it's like when someone wants a family more than anything but can't seem to achieve for one reason or another. I guess hearing such a close friend say these things has knocked me but at least of anyone else asks the same or similar things I'll be better prepared.
Tuesday, 17 April 2012
Update...
So, the last time i posted was a short while after we got our positive. I have so much to tell you!
We had a fabulous Easter weekend and nicknamed the baby 'Flounder' (as in the little mermaid) and spent some time trying to absorb the news.
I went back to work on Monday, my wife went back on Tuesday. At about 9:30 i got a text asking what my diary looked like for the day which worried me as I've never been asked that. I was working until 11am, once it got to that time i got a phone call from my wife saying that she was bleeding. At this point i panicked.
I went straight home and called a similar service to NHS Direct who wanted to speak to her so i put the phone down and they called her. She called me back a few minutes later saying that their advice was to either go to the doctors if it continues or if she's worried NHS Direct.
She was upset and i didn't know what to do because i had a work commitment that if i cancelled would cost someone else £62 and i couldn't do that to her which i know sounds really bad but at this point i didn't understand the extent of what was happening.
In the end we decided to get her to talk to her boss and sister (who by chance was working with her that week) and see what they suggested. My sister in law ended up calling her midwife as she's not long had a baby herself. The midwife told her to get her to A&E for some tests so off my wife and sister in law went.
I couldn't get there until about 1:30-2ish and by this point she'd had some bloods and urine taken to check the hormone levels and was waiting for the results. Once the results were back it was likely that she would go for a scan.
Just before 3 we were called into a room and told that both the blood and urine tests were negative for pregnancy and that she was free to go.
We were so upset and shocked, we didn't understand what had happened or how we could have a positive pregnancy test on the Saturday and then a negative on the Tuesday.
It's officially classed as a chemical pregnancy. Basically explained (in our case), the egg fertilised and implanted but the pregnancy ended there. It can also be called an early miscarriage.
As hard as the last week has been, we're both kind of relieved that it happened now and now X amount of weeks down the line. We are trying again as soon as my wife is ovulating and we're hopeful, if nothing else we know that she can conceive, we just need to make it stick this time.
We had a fabulous Easter weekend and nicknamed the baby 'Flounder' (as in the little mermaid) and spent some time trying to absorb the news.
I went back to work on Monday, my wife went back on Tuesday. At about 9:30 i got a text asking what my diary looked like for the day which worried me as I've never been asked that. I was working until 11am, once it got to that time i got a phone call from my wife saying that she was bleeding. At this point i panicked.
I went straight home and called a similar service to NHS Direct who wanted to speak to her so i put the phone down and they called her. She called me back a few minutes later saying that their advice was to either go to the doctors if it continues or if she's worried NHS Direct.
She was upset and i didn't know what to do because i had a work commitment that if i cancelled would cost someone else £62 and i couldn't do that to her which i know sounds really bad but at this point i didn't understand the extent of what was happening.
In the end we decided to get her to talk to her boss and sister (who by chance was working with her that week) and see what they suggested. My sister in law ended up calling her midwife as she's not long had a baby herself. The midwife told her to get her to A&E for some tests so off my wife and sister in law went.
I couldn't get there until about 1:30-2ish and by this point she'd had some bloods and urine taken to check the hormone levels and was waiting for the results. Once the results were back it was likely that she would go for a scan.
Just before 3 we were called into a room and told that both the blood and urine tests were negative for pregnancy and that she was free to go.
We were so upset and shocked, we didn't understand what had happened or how we could have a positive pregnancy test on the Saturday and then a negative on the Tuesday.
It's officially classed as a chemical pregnancy. Basically explained (in our case), the egg fertilised and implanted but the pregnancy ended there. It can also be called an early miscarriage.
As hard as the last week has been, we're both kind of relieved that it happened now and now X amount of weeks down the line. We are trying again as soon as my wife is ovulating and we're hopeful, if nothing else we know that she can conceive, we just need to make it stick this time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)