This post is exactly what is says in the title.
I've been kinda putting it off for a while but now feels like to time to confirm everything.
This journey has been long and unpredictable and completely heart breaking. We've experienced the euphoria of being pregnant and the utter devastation of losing our baby and along the way we've spoken to some people who have been incredibly supportive and encouraging.
Unfortunately we haven't achieved our dream of starting our family. We've exhausted every option for a sperm donor within 75 miles of us and still can't afford treatment without saving for a while but even then, there are no guarantees.
The thing that i don't think anyone takes fully on board when you start trying to get pregnant is that there are no guarantees. You can't wish yourself pregnant and no matter how much you want it and how hard you try, you could end up never having a baby.
We don't like the idea of going for treatment just because if it doesn't work, there is so much more we could have done with the thousands of pounds it'll cost. If we could guarantee that it'd work then we'd jump at the first chance of doing it.
The honest truth for our situation right now is that we have stopped trying. We're not looking for a donor and we're not planning on trying again anytime soon. We're not saying never but we are saying not now or in the foreseeable future.
There are other routes to parenthood and we are exploring them openly but i won't be blogging about them on here.
Thank you to everyone who has been there to support us both, we honestly appreciate it more than we can say.
For anyone that is still trying, good luck with your journey, i hope that it proves to be more fruitful for you than it has for us. Please don't let it take over you, it's hard enough as it is and if you're not careful, it can consume you. I know of women that are almost 50 who have been trying for more than 20 years who are still trying to get pregnant and they have missed out on so much because of it. It doesn't work for everyone but from the bottom of my heart, i honestly hope it does for you.
I'll be keeping this blog live for a while but then i'll be taking it down.
Thank you to everyone for reading! Especially those of you in Russia right now x
Tuesday, 25 February 2014
Saturday, 18 January 2014
Sorry!! Here's a new update...
I'm getting more and more pre occupied with stuff going on outside of the internet recently, sorry i haven't updated in AGES!
Since i last blogged, we got our hospital appointment which was for December 16th. We were both so happy and so relieved to see that it had come through and we finally were going to get some answers.
It came round VERY quickly which was even better for us.
We spoke to the doctors and nurses who basically concluded that we have been trying for a very long time. The doctor was shocked that it had taken this long for us to get a referral to get things checked out.
They wanted to do an internal scan to check overall womb & ovarian health and a HyCoSy. They want my wife to lose a little weight before the HyCoSy is done (because once that is done we could potentially start treatment and they won't allow her to have treatment unless her BMI is 35 or less) but offered to do the internal one that day and we agreed to it.
We also got the results within 5 minutes of the scan and there is nothing wrong whatsoever. Her ovaries are in great condition, the uterine lining was 12.5mm thick (on CD18) which we're told is perfect. The only minor thing is that she has a retroverted uterus.
We've been doing some reading up on this and although it shouldn't cause any issues with overall fertility, some people have said that they have struggled to conceive then found that they have the same issue. The overall consensus is that when you're 'doing the deed', make sure she's on her front rather than on her back as there seem to be a lot of success stories coming from people that have tried that way.
This made us feel a little more positive in the 'maybe the swimmers just haven't been up to an uphill fight' sort of way but so far, we've yet to test the theory....
D4 apologised about November, he didn't offer us an explanation but he was apologetic. The following month came and we gave him all of the information we had available and he was up for everything. The day came, he was in regular contact with us, even texting to say he was on the train.
I went to collect him from the station, i didn't get there until 17:40 and as his train was due in at 17:30, i thought he might be waiting for me. He was no where to be seen. I text him, my wife, she text him. Nothing.
It got to 17:50 before we heard anything and all the text said was, "Sorry something came up i have anxiety problem i can't." I was absolutely furious!!!
The anxiety problem doesn't bother me at all, if he had made us aware of it, we wouldn't have been meeting him at a very busy train station, we would have met him off the train. Anything to make it feel easier for him.
The fact that he decided after he arrived (we can only assume) that he couldn't do it was the biggest kick in the teeth possible. Needless to say, we sacked him.
We decided to text D1, he's always said that he would help out if he could if we ever got stuck and he did, he's such a gent! Unfortunately it didn't take but he did offer to step in (again where he could) whilst we were searching for D5.
Since then, it's been Christmas and New Year and i've had my Gran in hospital for 2 months so things have been a little hectic around here but we have been talking to some guys in the hope that one of them will turn out to be a normal dude who genuinely just wants to give us his spunk in exchange for his travel expenses being reimbursed.
We got talking to a guy a couple of weeks ago who really seemed to fit that bill well. We hit it off on the phone and started planning when he would be coming round.
We emailed him just to ask a couple of extra questions and to check that he would bring photo ID with him so that we could see that his STI results were his. At this point he completely freaks on us and accuses us of being journalists who just want to make a quick quid on a story. We tried to explain that we have to be sure, it's only right that we know the written health of the donor matches the donor in question but he wouldn't have any of it.
He then started going on about a couple that tried to trap him by saying they were civil partnered when they weren't a few months ago and it turned out they were going to go after him for money and stuff and what we were asking for just sounded way too dodgy for him to trust it.
Seriously, what the fuck (and that's swearing!!) is wrong with guys?!
So, to conclude. There are very few genuine donors out there. Treatment costs way more than we can afford right now and we're no closer to having our own baby now than we were when we first started.
Since i last blogged, we got our hospital appointment which was for December 16th. We were both so happy and so relieved to see that it had come through and we finally were going to get some answers.
It came round VERY quickly which was even better for us.
We spoke to the doctors and nurses who basically concluded that we have been trying for a very long time. The doctor was shocked that it had taken this long for us to get a referral to get things checked out.
They wanted to do an internal scan to check overall womb & ovarian health and a HyCoSy. They want my wife to lose a little weight before the HyCoSy is done (because once that is done we could potentially start treatment and they won't allow her to have treatment unless her BMI is 35 or less) but offered to do the internal one that day and we agreed to it.
We also got the results within 5 minutes of the scan and there is nothing wrong whatsoever. Her ovaries are in great condition, the uterine lining was 12.5mm thick (on CD18) which we're told is perfect. The only minor thing is that she has a retroverted uterus.
We've been doing some reading up on this and although it shouldn't cause any issues with overall fertility, some people have said that they have struggled to conceive then found that they have the same issue. The overall consensus is that when you're 'doing the deed', make sure she's on her front rather than on her back as there seem to be a lot of success stories coming from people that have tried that way.
This made us feel a little more positive in the 'maybe the swimmers just haven't been up to an uphill fight' sort of way but so far, we've yet to test the theory....
D4 apologised about November, he didn't offer us an explanation but he was apologetic. The following month came and we gave him all of the information we had available and he was up for everything. The day came, he was in regular contact with us, even texting to say he was on the train.
I went to collect him from the station, i didn't get there until 17:40 and as his train was due in at 17:30, i thought he might be waiting for me. He was no where to be seen. I text him, my wife, she text him. Nothing.
It got to 17:50 before we heard anything and all the text said was, "Sorry something came up i have anxiety problem i can't." I was absolutely furious!!!
The anxiety problem doesn't bother me at all, if he had made us aware of it, we wouldn't have been meeting him at a very busy train station, we would have met him off the train. Anything to make it feel easier for him.
The fact that he decided after he arrived (we can only assume) that he couldn't do it was the biggest kick in the teeth possible. Needless to say, we sacked him.
We decided to text D1, he's always said that he would help out if he could if we ever got stuck and he did, he's such a gent! Unfortunately it didn't take but he did offer to step in (again where he could) whilst we were searching for D5.
Since then, it's been Christmas and New Year and i've had my Gran in hospital for 2 months so things have been a little hectic around here but we have been talking to some guys in the hope that one of them will turn out to be a normal dude who genuinely just wants to give us his spunk in exchange for his travel expenses being reimbursed.
We got talking to a guy a couple of weeks ago who really seemed to fit that bill well. We hit it off on the phone and started planning when he would be coming round.
We emailed him just to ask a couple of extra questions and to check that he would bring photo ID with him so that we could see that his STI results were his. At this point he completely freaks on us and accuses us of being journalists who just want to make a quick quid on a story. We tried to explain that we have to be sure, it's only right that we know the written health of the donor matches the donor in question but he wouldn't have any of it.
He then started going on about a couple that tried to trap him by saying they were civil partnered when they weren't a few months ago and it turned out they were going to go after him for money and stuff and what we were asking for just sounded way too dodgy for him to trust it.
Seriously, what the fuck (and that's swearing!!) is wrong with guys?!
So, to conclude. There are very few genuine donors out there. Treatment costs way more than we can afford right now and we're no closer to having our own baby now than we were when we first started.
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