It's been a really long time since I did a blog, there's quite a bit I need to update you on.
A short while after I did the last blog, our friends had their little boy (one I predicted when they were just 10 weeks pregnant!) and I had the very sudden realisation that when we had the miscarriage, we lost a baby. Up until that point I kind of hadn't dealt with it at all and everything came out all at once and I broke down. I had a week of feeling so down and upset that I didn't know what to do with myself but after talking things through with my wife I felt better.
Up until that point we had both been planning a memorial tattoo for the baby and actually starting to accept what happened and deal with my grief made me want to go ahead with that. I got a star with the babies due date (12/12/12) in it and the phrase "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" around it all in black and grey. Since getting it I have found it to be a big big help. It's given me strength going forwards and a way to remember the baby that we loved so much even though we lost him/her so early on.
We have our moments where we will have a bit of a talk and cry but we've kept open with each other and allowed each other to take whatever steps we've needed to deal with it.
We have tried since the London 2012 Olympics and not had any joy. There is a possibility that we have lost again but because we didn't do a pregnancy test and it was even earlier than the last time, we'll never know. My wife's doctor has said that if we're get concerned that it has happened again then she will order some tests to see if there's anything obvious going on.
Other than that, we're still with the same donor but we are considering changing things up in the new year as it's getting to be quite difficult again. We're just worried about changing because our donor is the perfect balance that we always said we wanted but hey, we're going away for a week in December then it's Christmas so we have some time. And who knows, we might not need a new donor!
