To my future babies..

I'm your Mummy (not your tummy Mummy though). We haven't managed to conceive you yet but i thought it might be nice to write you a little letter than one day you might even get to read.

We've been trying to make you for a long time now with 3 different people trying to help us, it's been really hard and we have both been really upset about it not happening just yet but we are adamant that it will happen when the time is right and that you're going to be our perfect son or daughter.

I want you to know that i love you so much. I know that sounds weird because you're barely a twinkle  in our eyes at the moment but i do. I've dreamt about you since i was about 13, i've thought about what i'd like to call you (although that's changed a bit over the years), what sort of person you might be and how i'd like to raise you.

Your other Mummy is pretty amazing, she's beautiful and so funny and clever! She makes me so incredibly happy and the fact that she's going to be giving half of your genes makes my heart swell, you're one (or hopefully more) very lucky kid! I dream about what you'll look like all of the time, i hope you've got your Mummy's brilliant blue eyes and her beautiful smile with that cute little dimple that is just perfect.

I'm looking forward to the day we get that positive and we start making real plans for you, decorating the back bedroom, seeing you in the scans, preparing for your arrival. I dream of the day i watch you smile, walk and say your first word. I can't wait to watch you grow, give you a sibling or two or three, and show you as much of the world as possible.

I can't promise you that things will always be perfect or easy growing up, i'm sure at times you'll be furious with me, your other Mummy and/or the world. I can only promise that i'll be there as much as i can possibly be there, you'll always have me to talk to in one way or another and i hope that i always make easy for you to come to me.

I hope more than anything that we get to start preparing for you so very soon.

Mummy loves you, never ever forget that xxx

5am and i can't sleep

I haven't done a post like this in a very long time, today is 16 dpo and my wife is due her period today but we both feel more optimistic than we have done for a long time about the possibility of her being pregnant. 

Basically she's had early spotting, 2 days earlier in her cycle than it has EVER been and it was very light. We're hoping that it was implantation bleeding but we wont be sure until we get a positive test result and that may be another week away yet unless we decide to test earlier (a decision i'm leaving completely up to her). 

I don't know what to think. I don't want to get my hopes up and have them dashed again, i don't want to be too pessimistic, i'm worried in case she is and we get the same thing happen as last time again. 

But at the same time i'm excited....

This could be it!

Change....

The interesting guy got even more interesting. We sent emails back and forth for a few days then decided to have the phonecall.

We were nervous as hell but got our questions sorted and waited for the call. We asked everything we wanted to and more, he answered everything to our satisfaction and asked us lots of questions too. 

Before the phone call he sent us a donor contract to read over that we must agree to before he meets us. We read through it all and are really happy with it, he's been a donor at a clinic for a while (for medical research) and has undergone all of the relevant counselling etc that prepares him for being a donor. The contract basically states that we will not come after him for anything, we will have healthy lifestyles in order to promote a healthy pregnancy and raise our child/children with their wellbeing in mind. 

We're really happy with him and a few days later asked him to be our donor with a view to having a donation at some point within the next week. 

In the end, he could only do Thursday or Friday because he had a commitment to another couple who are trying for a sibling with him and he wont donate to more than one couple/person within 48 hours. This wasn't ideal for us as my wife was looking at ovulating on Wednesday but we it could have worked. When it came down to it, the only night i had off work was Thursday and my wifes ovulation delayed itself until Thursday so it was perfect!

We're now on 13dpo and there's weird stuff going on, fingers crossed it's good weird stuff but we just don't know.